Atticus Garrett Ballou

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The boy cometh.

I have to admit that I have fears about raising a boy. Sure, I have worries about my girls, too… but I am a male. I know something about being a boy. Perhaps in some sense the otherness of girls is a comfort, or a kind of blessed distance. And I just don’t think of females as the ones creating epic problems – starting wars, hurting others, crafting systems of denial, demagoguing themselves into power… that is all stuff that men do naturally and perennially.

And so that scares me. Am I up to instilling something true and real and deep in this little guy? Can I give him the transcendent perspective that helped me? Can I encourage him to learn the lessons only his mom and big sisters can teach? God knows I needed the presence of my mom and sisters and wife and mother-in-law and daughters to temper me, transform me, change me from a yell-happy dolt to someone with a bit more self control and thoughtfulness. The process is forever ongoing, and it’s all a matter of grace that it has worked at all. It’s taken me 37 years to be halfway acceptable as a human and it terrifies me to think I’ll be responsible to make a man of someone else. If I can’t force it to happen in myself, I certainly can’t manufacture it in anyone else.

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Of course, it won’t be all my job, thank Jesus. But I’m wary of the process.

And so it’s important to name well. To cast a vision with that name. To use that name as a witness and a source of power. I’ll think about our son’s namesake right now to quell some of these fears. I’ll speak his name as a prayer of hope and a charge of confidence. Atticus:

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

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“The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.”

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“Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It’s knowing you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”

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“There’s a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep ’em all away from you. That’s never possible.”

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The quotes above were spoken by Atticus Finch. To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee

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To close, here are a couple momentous posts from when #1 and #2 were named: MGB and MCQB.

In Which My Daughters Get Their Wings

I took my girls to Menard’s today.

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We grabbed some pink insulation foam, pink and gold duct tape, and some rope.

We were making wings.

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After they chose the shape for their wings (a bit more butterfly/insect than fairy style) and helped me cut them out, we started decorating with the duct tape. We also watched some Daniel Tiger in the midst of the construction.

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With both girls fitted with pink and white rope harnesses, we ventured out into the graduate studios for a run…

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It was such a nice day out, we ran around a bit out behind some student dorms…

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It doesn’t get much cuter than that. But we still needed to add some PAINT!

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Now that’s some glory right there!

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It was a good, good day :)

 

 

Two Observations From The Great Wall

I have been savoring a couple things from my experience on the Great Wall.

I’ll keep it short and sweet.

First: the reality of the timeliness of the past is so huge. Here, as we walked, we continued the erosion on these steps that many millions of feet have touched. All of those lives, those hopes and dreams and desires and mistakes and glories… we got to step into a past that no longer is yet “didn’t go anywhere” (to quote Utah Phillips).

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Second: the awareness of the present is a calibrator of deep meaning. In spite of my awe at the Wall, at being in China, of adopting, and of doing many other incredible things, I think my most cherished thing from being on the Great Wall was carrying Miranda up it and back down it. We talked about it today. We will continue to. It’s something much bigger to me now than I could have realized. But I was on top of it as it happened, realizing the importance with each step. I expect it will be one of the greatest memories of my life, and I love that it came so close to CaiQun joining our family.

Doesn’t get much more epic than this.

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