Silence Before China

It has been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened. Very soon we’ll actually be in the midst of a global journey that we’ve been imagining, thinking about, planning, and scheduling for over a year. In just hours we’ll slip out over the Midwestern landscape, drop in for a short stop in Michigan (yet another reason for me to love that state), and leap over the North Pole to China.

And then, just days from now, a daughter of China will also be a daughter of mine.

That’s the thought that has given me pause for weeks. That’s why I’ve had nothing to say. I’ve got nothing to add, nothing with which to editorialize this experience. It’s beyond me. It’s far beyond what I ever imagined for my life.

And yet, it’s very similar to the feeling I had in the days and hours before Miranda was born. You sense great change coming. You feel the air charging with energy. You feel the presence of massive forces converging. But you, yourself, are too limited to gain true perspective on it all. With deer-in-the-headlights-eyes you move forward, doing what you’ve made plans to do, pivoting as well as you can, and adapting in whatever ways you have to.

That’s where I am. I’m scheduling substitute teachers for my classes. I’m putting a hold on the mail. I’m in a freaking airplane cruising 30,000 feet over the arctic. I’m a pale foreigner from a young country standing in an ancient, hallowed land. I’m a fat, long-haired guy trying to help my little dark-eyed daughters understand love. I’m an experienced seer observing things – real things, true things, transcendent things – for the first time. I’m a man born in the year of the dragon standing on the Great Wall. I’m a husband in awe of his wife’s ability to actually make this stuff a reality. I’m a recipient of an Epic Grace that I can’t even begin to understand or appreciate properly.

Just days from now, a daughter of China will also be a daughter of mine. She’ll be a sister to Miranda, a child to Alison, and a grand-kid to Nancy and Kathy.

She’ll be one of us. She is already one of us. She has always been one of us.

I can’t wait to see you, Madeleine CaiQun.

9 thoughts on “Silence Before China

  1. May peace be yours as you all travel to new lands and familial experiences. Take copious (thanks, Aarik for the word of the day) notes on your thoughts and feelings for review somewhere later in life. Share that insight with family, friends and other potential adoptive parents.
    Know you and Alison are centered with prayers for you and your expanding family, Matt.

  2. Joy, happy tears, love, and prayers are going with you on this amazing journey. Love knows no boundaries. What you and Alison are doing is beyond exceptional.

  3. Well said, Brother. Beautifully articulated. You are in our prayers, all of you. May He knit you together tightly as a family and draw you ever closer to Himself. Love, T

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s